reset
lately, i've been feeling like i'm an introvert trapped in an extrovert's life.

i need to finish. the thesis i'm referring to. august i'm aiming for. this insanity has been going on for way too long. the issue that i have though is that i keep getting distracted though by jobs, work, money. i realize that i have a lot of anxiety tied up in money; it's like a security blanket. i worry about not being able to get a job in the future so i feel like i need to make as money as i possibly can *right now*. that fear is completely baseless - i've never had trouble getting work: i'm educated, attractive, i can claim my conditional cis privilege and get a job without much effort. but there it is - anxiety.

it's really intriguing to suck out all the different ways in which anxiety and insecurity pervade my life. i think i've got it managed or that's it limited in some way but then i realize that *so* much of what i do relates to my own insecurities in this world. (though i never come off as insecure, sigh).

i've been allowing myself to look into planning masters programs of late. my top 3 choices so far are pretty far-flung, in 3 different countries in fact: Portland State University, McGill University, and Dublin College University. they all have very strong programs that have a dedicated hands-on focus. they're also all situated in very awesome cities. i figure if i'm studying cities it makes sense to get some perspective beyond the city that i've (mostly) always lived in.

i'm also applying for a UK passport. apparently i can claim UK citizenship cause my father was born there and he was married when i was born (funny how that's a requirement). it means that i can potentially live, work, and go to school mostly anywhere in europe. for $250 it seems like a cheap way to open a lot of doors. :)

~becca